This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
