Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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