Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
