If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
