I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
