what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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