the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize