i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my being single is dangerous.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
