i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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