if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
