you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
