That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
