As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the day after is always just damage control
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
