Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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