he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
