I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
