If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
