Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
