We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
