wrigley field is MILF paradise
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
