It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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