using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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