if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
