it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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