Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
