I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
