do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
