I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i out mim tonsoeep
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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