im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
