So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
