My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize