She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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