My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize