So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My pussy is not your playground.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
