She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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