Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
