Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
