At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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