I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
