Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
