I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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