There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
