I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
