who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
