i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to fling myself into the sun
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
