I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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