I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A+ Viking dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
