I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize