Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
