I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
