Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
