You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize