I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
