Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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