Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
