How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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