mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
