i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
