The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
