i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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