I feel great
I just peed on a car
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
MIDGETS
????
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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