note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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