I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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