One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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