I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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