i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He shit in the fireplace
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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