I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
