M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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