Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
